


HideKaneSmutWeek

by myfineasymptote



Series: Mfa's Many Tumblr Misadventures [6]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Boys in Skirts, Clothed Sex, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Double Penetration, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Handcuffs, Kagune Sex, Light Bondage, Lingerie, M/M, Praise Kink, Rimming, Roleplay, Sex Toys, Threesome - M/M/M, Uniform Kink, Wet Dream, ahahahhaa, cross-dressing, sort of, specifically silk panties
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-04-05 15:44:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4185555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfineasymptote/pseuds/myfineasymptote
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These will all be hella silly and hella kinky because I am fujoshi trash.<br/>-2015-<br/>Day 1: Praise Kink<br/>Day 2: Roleplay<br/>Day 3: AU<br/>Day 4: Kinks<br/>Day 5: Songs<br/>Day 6: Kagune<br/>Day 7: Threesomes<br/><br/>-2016-<br/>Day 1: Birthdays<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Compliments are fun

The first time it happened was the day after Hide had bullied Kaneki’s aunt into returning his father’s books.

“Oh my god, Hide!” In one of his rare bursts of affection, Kaneki ran up and wrapped his arms around Hide, squeezing tightly. “She gave them all back! Every one! Thank you so much!”

Hide laughed. “Hey man, what are friends for?  I couldn’t let her get away with that.”

Kaneki raised his head to look up at Hide with the most adoring look on his face. “You are the best friend a guy could ever ask for. Thank you. Really.”

And for some reason that gave Hide a wrenching feeling in his gut and a familiar tingly sensation down there.

“Hide? Why are you blushing?”

“Uhh- I have to go! To the nurse’s! I’m not feeling well. I’ll see you after class!” Hide broke away from the hug and scampered away, leaving a very confused Kaneki standing alone in the hallway.

The second time it happened it was after Kaneki had had a very close encounter with the ghoul known as binge eater. Luckily, Hide had had a bad feeling about her (completely unrelated to the fact that Kaneki had expressed an interest in her) and had called the CCG on her, who upon close inspection realized her identity and swooped in just in time to rescue an unharmed Kaneki.

“Thanks, Hide.” Kaneki whispers to him after a long night sitting in the CCG interviewing room, and short trip to Hide’s apartment for cocoa and comfort bro-cuddles.

“I don’t know what I would have done without you. If you hadn’t called someone... Who even knows what would have happened. Wow, I still can’t believe Rize was a ghoul this entire time...”

“Yeah,” Hide smiled, tightening his arms around Kaneki. “I’m just glad you’re safe.”

Kaneki blinked sleepily, snuggling closer to Hide’s side. “You’re the best Hide. So awesome. You’re just so wonderful... and perfect...” His voice trailed off as he fell deeper into sleep, but Hide was now wide awake. With a quickly hardening boner.

It took three long hours for him to calm it down (and himself) down enough to fall asleep.

The third time it happened was on the night of their three-month anniversary.

As Kaneki kisses his eyes, nose, cheeks and lips, Hide can only smile and laugh at the tickling sensation. 

“I can’t believe you actually got me a signed copy of my favorite book. She isn’t doing an autograph signing anywhere near here until next year! Jesus Hide, why are you so perfect?!”

Hide laughs, and tries to brush the comment off. He really doesn’t want to weird Kaneki out and drive him away now that they’re finally together. But Kaneki always (unintentionally, most of the time) makes things difficult.

“Seriously,” he sighs, “I don’t even know what to do with you! You are the best boyfriend ever. I could give you a thousand blow jobs and it still wouldn’t be enough to deserve you.”

 _Oh, god._  “Thanks, babe. It’s all because I love you, haha.” Hide started to pull away from their current tight embrace, but Kaneki’s arms would not budge.

_Well, maybe he didn’t notice._

“ _Hide_ ,” Kaneki purred, grinding his hips closer. “It looks like  _someone_  is looking for a reward.”

“It’s not that!” Hide frets, “It’s just, a uh... I just...”

“Yes?” Kaneki prompts, and to that Hide can only shift uncomfortably.

“It’s not- I mean, you don’t have to-”

“But what if I  _want_  to?” Kaneki purrs, sliding to his knees.

“No, really! You don’t have-  _ahh,”_ Hide moans, as Ken unbuckles his pants and licks his hard member through his underwear. 

“But I want to,” Kaneki whispers, making Hide’s cock twitch in its confinement from the warm breath blowing on it. “Consider this my way of showing my... appreciation.”

“Ah, you do that very well enough on your-” Hide nearly bites his tongue as Kaneki pulls his underwear down to give his member a soft kiss. He hisses in pleasure as his boyfriend frees his dick from its cotton prison, and begins lightly tracing his way down the shaft with a finger.

“You make me feel so appreciated all the time, you know that?”

Hide looks down at Kaneki’s loving smile. 

“And I just wanted you to know that, that I... I love you. And-”

Whatever beautiful and heartfelt thing Kaneki was going to say next was cut off by Hide cumming with a gasp, and falling to his knees.

Kaneki blinked, looking from the warm jizz on his shirt collar to his panting boyfriend.

“I... I can explain...” Hide whispered, unable to look Kaneki in the eye.

“Wow,” Kaneki said, still in shock. “Does that happen everytime I say something nice to you?”

“Pretty much,” Hide mutters ashamedly.

“Huh,” Kaneki replies wondrously.

Then he gets an evil grin. “Oh, I’ve just thought of the  _perfect_  way to get revenge for that time you gave me a boner at your Aunt’s wedding.”

Hide splutters, “Wha-? But, we weren’t even dating then!”

“Doesn’t matter,” Kaneki sing-songs, rising to his feet and shedding his shirt. “I’m going to throw this in the wash, and when I get back, you’d better be at at least half-mast because tonight I am going to appreciate the  _hell_  out of you.”

Hide was left staring after Kaneki, brain still not quite caught up to current events. When it finally did catch up, the other head twitched in delight.


	2. But costumes are better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Excuse me, Officer Nagachika, it seems you forgot to unlock my handcuffs,” Kaneki purrs, staring at him from the bed with half-lidded eyes.
> 
> “Well that’s because I still have some questions to ask you, civilian. And I don’t want you to get away now.” Hide unzips his pants and steps closer to the bed.
> 
> And promptly trips on his too-long dress pants, falling to the floor face first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this entire drabble is just Hide and Kaneki embarrassing people with their sex lives

“So, I was talking to the girls at knitting class-”

“I still can’t believe you are taking a knitting class, Hide.”

“-Why? The scarves and mittens I made you are stylish and comfortable. Anyway, I was talking to the girls-”

“They’re not girls if they’re over 50-”

“-Shoosh! I’m talking! ANYWAY, we were talking about our sex lives-”

“ _Oh my god-_ ”

“-and Yakamura said that the key to keeping the sex good in a longtime relationship-”

“- _Mrs. Yakamura is my next-door-neighbor Hide why would give me that mental image-”_

 _“_ Is to do fun stuff from time to time. And she had some good suggestions.”

Kaneki did not look up from where his face was currently buried in his hands. “Like what.”

“Like bondage, roleplay, edging-”

“OH MY GOD.” Raged Touka, “DO YOU  _REALLY_  NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS IN FRONT OF ME???  _OH MY GOD.”_

 

* * *

After much grovelling and many apologies, Touka eventually finds it in herself to forgive them (although it may have been just to get them to stop bugging her). And to Kaneki’s surprise, Hide does not mention it again. After a full week, Kaneki almost began to think he’d dodged the bullet of a very embarrassing conversation. So naturally he was quite surprised when, out of the blue, Hide said:

“Hey Kaneki, remember when we were talking about bondage stuff earlier?”

Kaneki nearly dropped the children’s literature book he was holding. “You want to talk about that  _now_?”

 “Well, yeah, I saw something that reminded me of it.”

“ _What_ on God’s green Earth could have possibly reminded you of.. of  _that_  conversation in the  _children’s section of a public library?”_

Wordlessly Hide pointed. a few feet behind Kaneki was a pyramid-shaped display for the  _So you want to be a/an ..._  series. At the very top was  _So you want to be a Policeman_.

“Excuse me, mister?” A tiny voice piped in, startling Hide and Kaneki out of his (dumbfounded) stare. The voice belonged to a little girl, perhaps about seven. Just a few bookshelves behind the child, her mother looked up and began walking quickly towards them.

“Mister, my mommy says it’s rude to point.” the kid continues conversationally.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Hide laughs, and gives an exaggerated wink. “I’m going to be punished for it later,” 

The girl looks mildly concerned about this as she is swept into her mother’s arms.

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Kaneki cuts in, horrified. “I am  _so_  sorry. He was raised by wolves. We are leaving now,  _Oh my god.”_

* * *

 

  “Okay,” Kaneki says, dropping his backpack to the floor and flopping down onto the couch. “My children’s Lit project is finally done. Nishiki and his girlfriend are out of town visiting his parents. We are completely alone. Let’s do this. Now,  _why_  and  _what_  do you want to do with this ‘bondage stuff’”

Hide looked up from his bowl of ramen noodles and slurped his last noodle into his mouth. “Oh, I ‘unno.”

“What? but you were the one who kept bringing it up!”

“Yeah, but I’ve never done anything like that before.”

“So, we should... what? Watch some porn?”

“That’s never failed me before!”

“...Yes it has.”

“Name one time.”

“The first... six or so times we had sex.”

“.... Touche.”

* * *

 

 “That really doesn’t look very comfortable.”

“Are a person’s arms supposed to bend that way? I think they need to stop the porno and call a doctor, because that does not look right.”

“And why a horse mask? Is he supposed to be a horse? Or is it like... a spirit animal thing? I don’t understand.”

“Why does he keep using that riding crop on him! I mean, a few spanks can be fun, I guess, but that just looks... really painful. Hide, if you ever use a riding crop on me I will bite you on the dick.”

“Duly noted.”

“And  _not_  in a hot way.”

“I would argue that, but I feel like that would affect my chances of my dick going near your mouth anytime soon.”

“Yes indeed it would.”

“...”

“...”

“... So, uh, bondage?”

“Definitely out.”

“And I really don’t care for the pain stuff, which just leaves...”

Kaneki sighs. “Okay, but you better not get anything too expensive...”

* * *

 

 Three days later, a mysterious package arrived at the door.

Unfortunately, Hide and Kaneki- while both at home- were otherwise occupied, so it was Nishiki who answered the door and signed for the package.

“Oy, you two,” He said, tapping the bedroom door with his knuckles and proceeding inside, “which one of you ordered a package from- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I THOUGHT TOLD YOU GUYS TO LOCK YOUR DOOR AFTER LAST TIME!”

“Ah! That’s mine! You can drop it right ther- oh yes, you are so tight,  _fuuuccckk,”_ Hide groaned as Kaneki unabashedly bounced in his lap, completely silent except for his quiet panting.

“My eyes are  _bleeding_ ,” Nishiki bemoans, dropping the package and leaving to go wash his eyes of the sight of his two roommates fucking.

He would not so much later regret forgetting to close their door, as Kaneki was what Hide would affectionately describe as “a screamer”.

* * *

 

“You know, Hide... I’m pretty sure when people picture a “sexy policeman” they don’t picture an  _actual police uniform_.”

“Hey! You said not too expensive, and this was the cheapest! And also it was the only one I can get my hands on so soon. But never mind that! We only have  _three hours_ , Kaneki. We need to get started.”

“Ok, but I don’t even know what to do.”

“That’s fine.” Hide sits down on the bed next to a skittish Kaneki. “Just, uhh, pretend you live in a porno, and you find police officers very sexy. Like really sexy. Like so sexy, you would sleep wi- ok, yeah you get my point.”

They continue nervously staring at each other.

“So, are you going to say something, or...?”

“Well, why don’t we come up with a character for you? Um, why would the police be visiting you?”

“.... Because a family member died? I don’t know! I’m not good under pressure!”

“Okay, okay, I can salvage this. Um, well, why don’t you pretend that you took like some sort of drug that acts like an aphrodisiac-”

“-Hide, I’m pretty sure that’s rape-”

“-or like, you really want a job on the force, so you seduce me-”

“-also rape, and abuse of authority, and-”

“-or, I dunno, you’re a suspect in a crime, but you didn’t do it, and the cop is hot so you’re flirting.”

“...”

“... Woah, are you actually okay with that scenario?”

“Sure, why not, we’ll be here all night otherwise.”

“True. Okay, then,” Hide clears his throat, gets up from the bed, and clumsily gets out his handcuffs. “You’re under arrest, on charges of... having a firearm.”

Kaneki’s eyes slide to the ground, and  _there_ it is. The lead in the play that won the school’s heart all those years ago had never died, he’d just laid dormant. And now, Hide was going to rely on that inner actor for the best sex of their lives.

Kaneki’s entire demeanor changes as he falls into his role. “I don’t know what yer talkin’ about,” he says sullenly, glaring off to the side. The perfect teenage hoodlum who would draw exactly this sort of attention from authority figures.  Still refusing to look, Kaneki  gets up and makes to walk away.

Hide- or rather, Officer Nagachika- can’t have that! He grabs the ruffian’s forearm, and the punk looks up at him angrily-

Even though he was expecting it, Hide is still a little shocked at how fluidly the emotions flicker across his face; from fury, to shock, to interest, finally settling on half-lidded lust as he makes a point of checking Hide out.

Hide is surprised to find that the flush rushing to his cheeks is genuine in the light of that gaze, which only encourages Kaneki to be even more obvious in his staring. Hide tries to fight down the blush and regain his composure. He  _is_ the authority figure here, after all. "I'm going to have to take you down for questioning-"

"You can take me down  _anytime,_ officer."

"Err, but first I'll have to, um, pat you down..."

Kaneki makes a long show of stretching, running his hands up his stomach to show off the hard rolls of muscle. "Do I look like I could...  _hurt_ you, officer?"

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Hide knows that he's seen the happy trail of hair that disappears into Kaneki's shorts, but he still swallows around the lump in his throat like it's the first time. "I'll just have to, uhh... " 

"Uh?" Kaneki teases. "Maybe you should search me, mister...?"

 " _Officer_ Nagachika." 

 "Well then,  _Officer_ Nagachika," Kaneki purrs, lightly pulling Hide's hands to rest on his hips. "Maybe you should... do a pat down... just in case..." Kaneki slips his hands up Hide's arms, pulling him closer by his tie and leaning forward to kiss and suck at his neck.

Hide groans softly, moving his hands to grope Kaneki's ass. God he loves this butt. So nice and plump and soft, and the way it swallows his dick whole is an act of sheer beauty. Not to mention the way Kaneki rolls his hips and clenches around his cock... " _Fuck,_ " he whispers. Suddenly the fabric of Kaneki's booty shorts is far too thick, and his only recourse is to slip them beneath the rough fabric and-

 _Fuck_. Hide would know that silky feeling anywhere. And judging by the chuckle Kankei gives to his audible hitch in breath, the little shit did this on purpose.

Well, Hide knows how to respond to that. Dropping his voice an octave lower into that tone that drives Kaneki wild, Hide whispers, "I'm sorry, sir, but you seem to have a very dangerous weapon here. I'll have to take you back to the station in handcuffs."

At the first statement Kaneki can't hold in a snort, but it turns into an appreciative hum when he realizes where this is going. Kaneki obediently goes to the bed, getting on his knees and sticking his butt high in the air, wiggling it teasingly. Hide smacks it playfully and fumbles for his hand cuffs. These were not a part of the costume, but a pair of trick handcuffs he had bought years ago when he'd been planning on becoming a magician. They had found much more (and better, in Hide's opinion) use as of lately.

Kaneki shuddered in pleasure as the cuffs clicked shut, tugging at them in a mockery of an escape attempt.

Hide crawled onto the bed and behind Kaneki, eagerly unfastening his shorts and pulling them down. The panties he had felt were an attractive navy blue, with lovely lace running along the side. Hide brushed a single finger along it, listening to Kaneki's quiet moans and feeling his soft shudders. He carded a single finger in between the two pert asscheeks, wondering how best to continue. On the one hand, his cock really wanted to sheathe itself in there. On the other hand, they did that all the time and this was meant to spice things up. 

"I'm going to rim you," Hide thought aloud, listening to the hitch in his boyfriend's breath. "And then you're going to rub yourself off on me. Sound good?"

Kaneki's answer was a pleased moan. God he loved how loud Kaneki got in he sack.

Hide grabbed two luscious handfuls of his favorite ass, kneading them and listening to the soft whimpers and gasps his lover makes. He takes his time, nosing and licking at the back of Kaneki's thighs and through the soft satin of his panties until Kaneki is panting his name in excitement.

When Hide finally gets to the main event, pulling the satin to one side to expose his twitching hole and blowing a hot breath over it, Kaneki made a high pitched whine. Hide traced a circle around the rim, savoring the taste of sweat and Kaneki. But the noise his boyfriend made when he accidentally brushed too close made his dick throb. 

Hide lapped at the sensitive rim softly, feeling it twitch and clench at his ministrations. Kaneki's panting was really pleasant to listen to. Although by far his favorite of Kaneki's noises only occured once he'd been stimulated enough, which if he recalled correctly, he thought as his agile tongue penetrated Kaneki's ass, should be right about-

" _Fuuuuucck._ Oh god, Hide, fu- fuck me, fuck me fuck me," Kaneki chanted, pressing his hips backwards into Hide's face.

Hide pulled out and blew a cool breath onto Kaneki's hole, making the fevered chanting increase in volume. Fuck, Hide couldn't take any more of this.

Sitting back, Hide hurridly unzipped his pants, pulled himself out of his underwear and began jerking his cock roughly.

He's almost lost himself in the pleasure when he notices that Kaneki, desperate for stimulation, has lowered his hips and rubbing himself on the bed.

He somehow manages to agonizingly pull his hand from his pulsing erection, drag himself off the bed, and slip underneath the handcuffs to provide a much more attractive target for Kaneki to rub himself off on.

The friction of the soft panties and Kaneki's hard length against his own is almost enough to pull him over the edge immediately, but Hide grits his teeth and hold it in. Kaneki's thrusts are getting harder and faster, and his chanting is getting louder and louder, and finally Hide gropes his pert ass, spreads the cheeks wide, and shoves on finger up into that tight heat-

Kaneki cums in his panties with a noise that could only be described as a shriek, and Hide finally let's himself release all over his stomach.

" _Fuck,_ " Kaneki pants, still winding down from his orgasm. "I knew dragging Kimi to the mall to buy panties was a good idea."

Hide takes a long moment to process that, and laughs lowly. "Aw man, she must have hated that. Did she know what they were for?"

"Considering she was beet red the entire time, I'm going to guess yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: The views of the characters expressed within may not reflect the views of the author  
> oh who am I kidding I am a kinky piece of trash and you know it


	3. Demons are bloody sexy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~what this is totally not a sneak peek of a Bloody Demons porn chapter what are you talking about~~

Hide was being annoying again.

Well, truth be told, he wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary- just sitting at the kitchen table and working on his school work, as he always did this time of night- but he was just so... distracting.

Kaneki was trying to focus on his book, dammit! Yet every time he thought he'd managed to suck himself back into reading, Hide would make a small noise or movement and Kaneki would look over and he'd be doing something... something...  _lewd._

He'd be, say tapping his pencil against his lips and Kaneki couldn't help but imagine kissing them. Or he'd be humming to himself and sketching something and Kaneki pictured that hand loosely gripping his-

It was just getting very frustrating. He was an incubus, for hell's sake! He was supposed to be inspiring lustful fantasies in  _other_ people, but Hide hadn't given him so much as a second glance once the feeding arrangement had been worked out. 

And besides, it's not like Kaneki wants Hide to look at him that way! No, that would be gross, after that time with Tsukiyama Kaneki knows that that sort of thing just isn't for him. No way. Not at all.

That sort of thing would be... even if it were with Hide... huh. For... some reason, the thought of Hide looking at him that way isn't quite as repulsive as he'd thought. And the thought of doing things, rolling around naked and touching each other makes the bottom of his stomach tighten strangely.

Kaneki sets his book down on the table, abandoning all pretense of reading. What the hell is wrong with him? He, of all people, should know the pain of having someone you see platonically being interested in you sexually, this is bad this is wrong this is terrible-

\- unless he likes you back.

Kaneki's inner debate is interrupted by a yawn and slow stretch from Hide. "Ah, I give up, I have no idea what this sentence means. I'll work on it some more tomorrow morning. Night, Kaneki!"

... 

... Kaneki has an idea that just might work.

* * *

Sometime around two, Kaneki creeps into Hide's room, carefully not making a sound.

The plan is simple: jump into Hide's dream, flirt with him a little, check his reaction, then jump out and head back to sleep. If Hide rejects him, fine. No harm done. Kaneki can just swallow his feelings and beat them back into friendship. If Hide accepts him... Well, Kaneki will cross that bridge when he comes to it.

Taking a deep breath, Kaneki very lightly lays his hand on Hide's forehead, opens his inner eyes and crosses into Hide's Dreamscape.

The dream seems to take place in a mixture of a bedroom Kaneki does not recognize, and a classroom that vaguely reminds him of one he'd seen on a tour of Kamii. Hide and an older gentleman Kaneki believes is Hide's student adviser are talking to a houseplant. The plant seems to be having issues turning in its homework.

 _Well, at least it doesn't seem to be a lucid dream. That would make it a_ lot _harder to explain my presence._

Kaneki casually erases some of the more out of place things- removing the few desks, making the windows into a solid wall, making the bed solid and less wooden- and waves to Hide. Once the blond's attention are off them, the professor and plant disappear, just as Kaneki had hoped they would. 

"Kaneki!" Hide yells, running up to tackle him onto the bed. Kaneki laughs, surprised. He feels like he should have guessed that Hide's exuberant friendship would increase with no filter, but the surprise is a pleasant one. "Hide," Kaneki calls softly, trying not to let his tail whip too fast in excitement.

Hide squeezes him tightly, and nuzzles into his shoulder. This is all very sweet, Kaneki reflects, but he  _did_ come here with a mission...

"Hey Hide?" Kaneki asks. Hide merely squeezes him tighter. "Err, okay then. I have something to tell you, so can you look at me?"

Hide finally lets go, and crawls up so he is staring down at him from just a few scant inches away.

Kaneki swallows nervously. He has just begun his confession of, "Ok. What I wanted to tell you is... I lik-" when Hide interrupts him by dropping down for a kiss.

 

Kaneki's brain shorts out for a few moments, coming back in as Hide pulls away to look at him. 

Trying not to gape like a fish, Kaneki opens his mouth to speak but ends up staring at Hide.

The blond smiles his wide, crinkly-eyed smile, and leans forward to rub noses in an Eskimo kiss.

Kaneki tries again. "I, uhh, you..."

"You're sexy," Hide whispers in a low tone that makes the bottom of Kaneki's stomach wrench again.

And suddenly Kaneki's clothes disappear. With a yelp, Kaneki brings them back. "Okay, uh, I'm not sure if I'm ready to participate in  _that_ sort of dream just yet. How about we just, um, kiss a bit? Since you seem to like doing that?"

Hide shrugs and grins, leaning forward- only to be stopped by Kaneki's hand, blocking him as he sits up, scoots back to lean against the -plush, why not- headboard. Kaneki gestures Hide to follow, which he does eagerly, climbing into Kaneki's lap and wrapping his legs around his waist.

Kaneki gently guides Hide's face to meet his own with his hands, and they're kissing. 

Technically, they have kissed plenty of times before (what with Kaneki needing to feed at least once a day) but it feels different somehow. Nicer. 

 

And then Hide lets out a strange groan that does funny things to Kaneki's stomach, and suddenly Hide's hands are in his hair, and the kiss is faster, almost desperate. Something warm and wet enters Kaneki's mouth, and for a second he's disgusted and wants to pull away until the taste hits him and  _oh_. So that's why people like to french kiss.

Kaneki seals his mouth against Hide's and brushes his tongue up to meet the other's, then explores into foreign territory . Hide's mouth tastes sweet for some reason, and Kaneki isn't sure if it's a product of the dream but it makes him very curious about what Hide tastes like in real life. What his tongue in Kaneki's mouth would feel like, because in the dream it's... affecting him. His body feels hot, and his dick keeps pulsing pleasantly in his underwear. Although it is starting to get a little tight down there, almost like he's-

Hide makes a soft whimpering sound, and unthreads one of his hands to tug Kaneki's hand in between them, to press against his-

_oh._

Kaneki breaks from the kiss, noting Hide's beautifully flushed and dazed face, to stare down at the lump in Hide's jeans.

"Please," Hide whispers, pressing his hips up to grind against Kaneki's hand. " _Touch me_." 

For some reason Kaneki doesn't think he could ignore that voice if he tried.

Kaneki lightly brushes his hand against the lump and Hide moans. He presses his hand against it, trying his best to wrap around it, but the fabric is too thick and in the way-

As if he'd had the same thought, Hide makes his pants disappear, and Kaneki can only stare, intimidated. He's never touched anyone before, not even himself. What if he does it wrong, or he scratches it, or his grip is too tight-

"Kaneki," Hide pants, "I, please..."

Steeling himself, Kaneki reaches down to brush his fingers against it. Hide's dick twitches, and a tiny bit of clear liquid leaks from the tip. "Is it supposed to do that?" Kaneki finds himself wondering aloud, but Hide merely moans and makes a small thrusting motion with his hips.

Kaneki brings a single finger to the tip of Hide's dick and swirls the liquid around, making it twitch and redden even more. Once the liquid is gone, Kaneki wraps his hand around the shaft and squeezes lightly. Hide makes a soft high pitched sound and thrusts his hips, seemingly involuntarily. Kaneki gets the idea and begins pumping his hand up and down, squeezing every so often. Hide keeps on making the hip thrusts and these strange gasping noises.

After a little while the strange liquid is back again, and on a weird impulse Kaneki swipes it with his other hand and licks it.

It tastes  _so fucking fantastic_ that it takes him a second too long to realize he is no longer in the Dreamscape, and that Hide has just sat up, looking panicked.

"A- are you okay?" Kaneki gasps, mind whirling for an excuse as to why he's here. "You, uh, you made a noise in your sleep."

Hide looks at him, mortified. "I.. I have to go!" The blond leaps up from the bed and races off into the bathroom.

Kaneki blinks. 

Hmm. For some reason Hide's bed smells really good...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Details were changed to prevent spoilers don't worry. I doubt the actual fic is going to end up anything like this, so just treat it as an AU of an AU. XD


	4. But skirts are cuter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RAIN RAIN WASH AWAY THESE PILES/ THEY'RE CLUTTERIN MY THOUGHTS

"Are you ready?" Hide calls out to the bathroom, brushing his outfit flat nervously.

Kaneki calls an affirmative softly, and Hide can hear him stepping closer to the door.

When it opens, Hide lets out a soft gasp.

 

All of his fantasies could never live up to the reality of seeing Kaneki in a tight, lolita-esque dress (Hide had done the research, and since the outfit was anything but modest it definitely disqualified it for lolita), stockings, and everything else he knew was underneath it... Hide felt a stirring in his groin at the mere sight.

"Oh my god," he whispered lowly. "Lift up the skirt..."

Obediently his blushing sub slowly lifted up the skirt, showing off his lacy garter belt and the tip of his dick peeking out between the belt and his frilly low-cut panties...

Hide let out a low groan and sat down on the edge of the bed, spreading his legs and slipping a hand under his skirt to fondle at his own silken underwear. He didn't miss the way Kaneki's eyes flicked to follow the movements of his hand, nor the way they darkened in lust.

"Turn around," Hide whispered, making a circle with his free hand. Kaneki flushed even darker, and slowly turned around, letting his skirt down as he went. "Now bend over." And show your dom the reason you spent so long in the bathroom...

Kaneki obeys, helpfully pulling his skirt up and spreading his cheeks so Hide can see the outline of the plug buzzing quietly beneath his panties. 

Hide squeezes his hardening member leisurely, considering what to do. On the one hand, pulling out the toy and fucking his cute little sub into the mattress was arousing as ever. On the other hand, it wasn't often he got to see his little fucktoy all dressed up for him... And the appeal of watching him put on a show and fuck himself with the toy is strangely appealing.

"Come up here," Hide commands, patting the space beside him. Kaneki shudders slightly and complies, slowly straightening and climbing onto the bed.

"Now, on your hands and knees." After a moment's consideration, Hide pushes Kaneki's face gently down to the mattress, so his butt is left twitching in the cool air. 

"Good boy," Hide purrs, loving the way Kaneki's entire body shivers at the praise. "Now, I want you to take off those panties, then take the toy and fuck yourself with it." The hitch in Kaneki's breath makes Hide's cock throb with pleasure, and the subsequent groan is music to his ears. 

Hide slowly begins jacking himself as his sub pulls down his lacy panties and reaches behind himself to grasp at the toy, easing it out just a bit and shuddering.

Kaneki's pace is slow, considering the awkward angle he has to reach behind himself to get at the toy, but it only takes a few thrusts before Kaneki begins unconsciously thrusting back onto the toy, trying to ease the plug in to fuck him deeper...

Hide pulls up his skirt and pulls down his own panties so he can jerk himself easier. With his other hand he reaches up to corset and pinches a pert nipple through it. "You doing so good for me, baby," He whispers, giving himself a tight squeeze. "Okay, now take the toy out and get the lube." 

Kaneki whimpers but complies, almost falling off the bed in his eagerness to get to the bathroom. He knows what's going to come next. While he waits, Hide rises and goes to the dresser drawer, rummaging around for a certain item he'd bought a few days ago.

When Kaneki returns from the bathroom holding the lube, he gives an audible gasp to see Hide holding a handsome leather belt.

 Hide smiles devilishly and slinks his way over to the bed, laying down flat on his back and motioning his little cock slut over. 

 

Hide gestures down at his rock hard member. "Sit. There's a good boy." Carefully Kaneki climbs up, trying not to rip the panties midway down his thighs, and settles on Hide's dick with a soft sigh at being filled again.

Hide reaches up to bind Kaneki's arms to his chest with the belt (and privately thinking they would have to explore breathplay later on, because the way he gasps in that corset is just  _too_ attractive).

Hide settles back, tucking his arms behind him and shutting his eyes. "Now ride me like the cock-hungry little slut you are. Make me shoot my hot cum deep inside you..."

Kaneki shudders again, and begins bouncing up and down on his lap, gasping cutely.

After a few minutes of this, feeling the pleasure of his cock being encircled by the tight heat, Hide waits until Kaneki is about to come down and thrusts up to meet him.

Kaneki gives a surprised whine and his ass clenches tight. Hide must have hit  _that_ spot.

Taking a tight hold on Kaneki's hips, Hide begins matching Kaneki's bouncing with a powerful thrust, enjoying each pant and gasp his sub lets out as they both get closer and closer to cumming.

Kaneki hits it first, spilling his seed all over Hide's stomach and clenching his ass so tight it's painful. Hide continues ramming in for a few more thrust before fulfilling his promise and cumming deep in Kaneki's ass with a loud groan.

For the next few hours they lay cuddled there, whispering about how good the play had been and how much they love each other.


	5. Songs are seductive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor Persona 4 spoilers. Also I hope I'm not the only to draw the connection between Rise Kujikawa and Rize Kamishiro. :3

"Hey, Kaneki," Hide mumbles from his spot nestled in Kaneki's lap, "what's the most inappropriate song to play during sex?"

 

Kaneki pauses the video game and looks down with an odd look. "What the hell brought that question on?"

Hide snickers. "Dude, you're in a strip club. What else would I be thinking about?"

"It's not a strip club! It's Rise's dungeon!" Kaneki blurts, affronted.

"Yeah, yeah. Hey, you should go back and check out Kanji's dungeon again."

"I'm telling you, we already defeated Shadow Kanji. He's not going to show up again."

"Hey, you already admitted you only played the game once. Maybe it's different this different this time."

"I  _highly_ doubt it would be that different."

"You never know! After all, your save has a weird pink flower thing on it now!"

Kaneki shakes his head and unpauses, just in time to get ambushed by a shadow.

Hide keeps quiet until Kaneki's team is out of danger, before repeating his first question.

"I don't know!" Kaneki flusters, turning red. "I guess, um... that "Mmm watcha say" song."

Hide ponders that. "Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing- it's just, it's uh, not the song I would have picked."

"Well, what song would you pick?"

"The pokemon theme song."

"The poke... what?"

* * *

" _Pokemon, gotta catch 'em all!_ "

Kaneki gasped, clenching the sheets beneath him as Hide's tight hole sheathed his entire cock. "Hey, pay attention," the blond panted, voice rising into a falsetto to sing along.

"- _You know it's my destiny! Pokemon! Oh, you're my best friend,_ "

"Hide, I k-kind of hate you right now," Kaneki moaned, withdrawing a few inches and slowly pushing forward. Hide sighed in pleasure, and pressed back against his boyfriend's hips.

" _In a woooorld we must defeeeend,_ "

When the blond begins to sing again, Kaneki reaches down to knead at Hide's sack, making his mouth clench shut with an audible click.

" _All so true, our courage will pull us through!"_

Kaneki moans as Hide clenches tightly around his cock. In response he picks up the pace, thrusting in and out faster and faster.

" _You teach me and I'll teach you! Pookeemoooonnn!_ "

Hide yelps as Kaneki hits his prostate, and the brunette quickly shifts to keep thrusting into it.

Kaneki throws his head back in a loud groan as Hide keeps rythmically clenching around him in response to his prostate stimulation.

" _Gotta catch 'EEEEMMM aaaaaaaaaaaallllll!"_

Kaneki makes a high pitched that almost manages to drown out the music, but it quickly surges forth as Kaneki goes back to panting.

" _Poookeeemoooooooooon! Gotta catch 'em all! Gotta catch 'em aaaaaaaaaaalll,"_

Kaneki cums as the last note of the ending " _Pokemon!"_ draws to a close. 

Hastily he pulls out- to Hide's audible disappointment- and rips off the condom, twisting it shut and throwing it in the direction of the trash can.

"Wait," Hide pants, as Kaneki sits down at the computer desk. "You aren't seriously going to blue ball me, are you?"

"Hell no," Kaneki says, turning back to grin evilly. "I'm gonna blow you just as soon as I pull up this fun song called "Pon Pon Pon"."

A chill races down his spine as a strange girl in a pink and yellow jumper comes on the screen.

This is either going to be the best or the worst blowjob he's ever had.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over in 3 minutes and 21 seconds c'mon guys step up your game a bit.
> 
>  
> 
> ((AU where Hide plays a shit ton of games but Kaneki is far more familiar with weird internet phenomenons. When their interests intermix, things get a little... odd))
> 
> ((Hide's totally beaten P4 like nine times and hasn't told Kaneki. He's waiting to see if Kaneki can get something other than the bad end without his help))


	6. But tentacles are kinkier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation from Day 4 (Aka kink fest). Now featuring like 50 more kinks. (I wonder what shade they are)
> 
> (hide)  
> (hide is what shade they are)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to my homegurl TheatricalPlacenta and my granddaughter excailzkrossmazi. <3

Kaneki took a deep, calming breath.

Hide grinned, tying the last shibari knot. "Okay, are you ready babe?"

"Yeah, I... yeah."

"All right, do you have your bell?"

"Uh-huh."

"And you've got a good grip on it? So you won't drop it?"

"Yeah."

"Good boy." Hide petted Kaneki's hair. Kaneki nuzzled into his hand happily. For all his protesting about it when Hide had brought up the idea earlier, Kaneki seemed remarkably calm now. Or perhaps it was just his cute little shy subby self rearing up again.

It was so cute how Kaneki always got so quiet when they played like this. Fortunately, they had managed to come up with an inventive way for him to safeword out without speaking, but today his kagune were going to be... a little busy. 

Hide settled back on the bed, admiring his handiwork. A helpless Kaneki, bound and wrapped up for his pleasure. And now it was time to make him squirm.

 

Hide laid down on his back, allowing his legs to fall open. He smirked as Kaneki's eyes focused hungrily on his half-hard cock. Kaneki licked his lips and though Hide would love a nice blowjob, he could get one anytime he wanted. It wasn't everyday he had Kaneki wrapped up so nicely like this.

Hide grabbed the lube where he had abandoned it on the bed and slowly squeezed some onto his index finger. Slowly, he traced the head of his dick with his finger, swirling the lube around and watching as his dick got red and fat from the sensations. Hide slid a finger down his dick, leaving a shiny trail of lube and precum, down to the rim of his asshole. 

Gently he traced the sensitive rim, fumbling with the other hand to squirt more lube onto his fingers. Taking a deep relaxing breath, Hide slowly inserted a finger into himself. Glancing up at Kaneki, Hide chuckled at the way his boyfriend's eyes followed the movement of his fingers. 

Closing his eyes and throwing his head back, Hide inserted another finger and began stretching himself, scissoring his fingers and feeling around to find that special spot-

He let out a soft gasp when he finally found it. The sensation was pleasant, but from his position he could only rub against it, and not pound it into submission like he really wanted. Speaking of which... Hide opened his eyes at a low groan from Kaneki.

The half ghoul's kakugan was a bloody red in excitement, and Hide could see the effort it was taking him to hold back his kagune when he knew what they were going to be doing to him in a few moments... 

Putting on a show for Kaneki, Hide threw his head back and arched his back, fingering himself and moaning extra loud for the half-ghoul's benefit.

Hide grinned at Kaneki's whimper and inserted a third finger. He slowly slid it deep enough to rub against his prostate, making his legs twitch and breath hitch. "F- _uck...._ " He whispered, just to hear the hitch in Kaneki's breath.

Getting impatient, Hide hurriedly squeezes a bit more lube and inserts a fourth finger, arching his back again to fuck himself with them.

 

"Okay," he breathes, sitting up and scissoring himself one last time, "take them out."

With a ripping sound the rinkaku emerge, pulsing red and eerily blood-like as always. But this time Hide has an... unconventional use for them.

"Let me see one of them."

One of the kagune slowly makes its way towards him, almost hesitantly, as if it's afraid it will hurt him. When it's close enough, Hide lightly grasps it and pulls it close to his face. "Can you feel that? Me touching it?"

Kaneki nods, looking embarrassed and uncomfortably aroused.

Hide sticks out his tongue and licks it, feeling the soft flesh under his tongue. Kaneki moans as Hide guides the tentacle into his mouth, bobbing his head on it like he's pleasuring Kaneki's member as he has so many times before.

Hide keeps nudging it deeper, swallowing more and more of it until it hits the back of his throat and he has to jerk back to keep from gagging on it.

The blonde finally removes his hand from his ass with a soft sigh, and fondles the rinkaku he'd just been blowing. Kaneki lets out a soft gasp as Hide begins spreading lube on it, and guides it down to his sensitive entrance. 

"Okay," Hide says, panting a little. "Now take those two and lift me up. Do you think you can do that?"

Kaneki stares, almost uncomprehending (his dick painfully hard and red, Hide is pleased to note) for a few seconds before his kagune move, one reaching under his legs and the other supporting his back in a bridal carry.

"Good boy," Hide moans as Kaneki whimpers softly. Hide knows that it be hard to concentrate that hard with a raging boner, he has such a good little sub-

"You are doing so good baby, so good. Now open your eyes-" Hide waits until his sub makes eye contact, "- and feel your reward."

Hide guides the tentacle at his asshole inside him, groaning at the warmth. Kaneki's dick twitches and a long bead of precome leaks down it. Hide moans, wrapping his lubed fingers around his dick as the other hand guides the kagune in and out of himself.

"Faster," Hide whispers, moving his hand away to let the rinkaku move on it's own. "Faster and deeper,  _ah_ , yes, that's it,  _fuck,_ "

As the kagune sets a quick and shallow pace of thrusts, Hide uses his now free hand to reach back around himself to insert another finger. 

Hide groans at the stretching, and Kaneki whimpers at the sensation against his kagune. Hide feels himself clenching around it and forces himself to relax.

Two fingers scissoring later, Hide nods at the last unoccupied tentacle. 

" _Fuck_ ," He breathes as the second one breaches him. " _Fuck-_ yeah. Good boy, you are such a  _good boy_ , c'mon now, fuck me,  _fuck me,_ "

Hide's pants turn to gasps as the kagune move against each other, fucking him deeper and harder than he's ever felt before. 

"You, _ah_ , you like seeing me, lah, like this?" He gasps, staring hungrily at Kaneki's still leaking cock and wide, darkened eyes. "You like  _see, fuck_ , seeing me get,  _hah,_ fucked by you?"

The tentacle's pace quickens, and Hide can see from the twitching and pulsing of Kaneki's cock that he's getting close. 

"You, you little  _slut_ , if,  _fuh-,_ if I had these,  _ummh,_ your tight little ass would b-, be so greedy, you'd want them  _all_ in you,  _hah_ , at once, my cute little cumslut-"

Kaneki whimpers and his cock throbs. One of the rinkaku hits his prostate, and he almost comes from the pleasure. "There!" He keens, and suddenly both of the kagune begin slamming into it, one after another.

" _Fuck, hah, fuck, unn-"_

Hide clenches tightly around the two kagune inside him as he cums, and makes a startled yelp as he falls the foot or so down to the bed.

Kaneki gasps for air, staring at him wide-eyed, cum still dripping from his softening dick.

"We're going to have to work on that," Hide chuckles, and Kaneki grins timidly.

 

They've got a lot of kinks to work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this turned out  
> way  
> kinkier then i expected  
> i mean  
> i knew it would be kinky but  
>  _damn_


	7. And Threesomes beat them all.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro/Hide/Kuro  
> I'm so sorry  
> I meant for this to be sexy  
> and then I was like  
> well  
> you'll see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up a week late to HideKaneSmutWeek Day 7 with Smoothie King* sup

"Holy  _shit_ _,_ " Hide whispers, watching the two cousins make out with each other.

It had just been a stupid dare, whoever lost the round of the stupid Mario Kart knockoff would have to kiss whoever won first. Hide had meant it as a  _joke_. He should have been suspicious that Kuroneki had only punched him in the shoulder and laughed nervously. 

Normally any mention of ... that sort of stuff, would have him flailing in embarrassment. But now here he was, casually matching Shiro's lips with every movement, and tongues entwining if he was seeing things correctly.

It was... It was really hot.

It didn't help that they looked so much alike- apparently before he'd bleached his hair, Shironeki and Kuroneki were mistaken for twins. Not even Kuro could tell the difference between them in the old family photographs. 

And now they were sitting here, clutching each other's arms and desperately making out while the ending theme of Mario Kart blared in the background.

As the kiss slowed and they began to pull away from each other, Hide panicked. He really didn't want to lose Kuroneki as his bestfriend or insult Shironeki the day he met him by staring at the as they-

"Um, if you guys need a moment, I can, uh, step outside, yeah," Hide jumps of the couch and makes to leave, only to be stopped by Shiro grabbing his wrist in a lightning fast motion. 

"Don't leave just yet. We're just about to start the next round."

Hide blinked down at Shironeki's blank stare. His eyes kept being drawn down to the circular piercing in Shiro's lip. He wondered if the metal would be cool from the winter air, it it would taste differently than his mouth-

"I- okay," Hide found himself saying, and Shiro tugged him down to sit half in his lap, half in Kuroneki's. The brunette giggled and pressed his controller into his hand. Without another word, the round began. 

It's a bit awkward, because Hide keeps trying to scoot forward and slip down to the floor, but every time he tries a firm grip on the back of his T-shirt pulls him back up wordlessly.

And it doesn't help that Hide isn't very good at this game to start with. He had just barely squeaked past Kuroneki in the first round. But it's heading into the final stretch, and Hide has a small lead on him. At this rate, he should be fine so long as he isn't distrac-

A pair of lips brush against the back of his neck, and Hide's concentration is gone with a gasp. Kuro... Kuroneki is...  _kissing him???_  Hide's eyes instinctively flutter shut as the brunette presses closer into his back, kissing his way along Hide's neck. His lips part just slightly enough to exhale a warm breath, and then a soft tongue laps at his skin, making the bottom of his stomach wrench in desire-

"Winner!" The game blares, which is really stupid because it doesn't make that noise when the first person finishes the last lap, it plays when the second to last person crosses the- fuuuuccckkk. 

Hide looks down at his controller, which at some point in the last ten seconds he'd dropped, and then at the screen to see his little car looking disappointed with it's blue "3rd" ribbon. And at the top of the screen, with the gold "1st" trophy was-

Shiro's car. 

Hide glances nervously at the white-haired boy. Shironeki raises an eyebrow, tongues his piercing, and twists back to lounge against the arm of the couch, leaving him facing Hide with a knowing smirk. 

_Okay, Hide, just... just roll with it. It's probably just a joke. He'll kiss your forehead, and then we'll all go get milkshakes. You can do this._

Awkwardly Hide takes the unspoken invitation and climbs into Shiro's lap, closes his eyes, and leans in.

_It's just going to be a joke. It's just going to be a joke. It's just goin-_

A hand presses against the back of his neck, yanking him forward, and at the same time the other hand wraps around the small of his back, pressing him against Shiro. Their lips crash together almost painfully, desperately moving and tasting each other.

In a fit of boldness, Hide laps at the piercing, tasting just a hint of metallic and what must be Shiro, and the boy lets out a delicious moan, breaking the silence of the room.

Hide opens his eyes in surprise, and is even more bemused to see that Shiro- the cool, smooth, pierced one of the group- is blushing a bright, fiery red. 

"You're blushing," Hide whispers, feeling his lips curl into a smile.

"Well we are trying to seduce you," mumbles Kuroneki, and Hide abruptly realizes that at some point he had curled up against Hide's backside, and was playfully tugging the blond's shirt up to lightly scratch at his back. 

"You, wait, wha-" 

 Shiro suddenly pulls him into a slow, sensual kiss. This time Hide keeps enough of his head to focus on Kuro's movements, the way he reaches around to unzip Hide's pants and begin to tug them downward. Hide groans as Shiro moves down to mouth at his neck, licking and kissing and nipping at his sensitive skin.

In a haze, Hide followed Kuroneki's gentle prompts for movement, getting up and moving backwards as his friend saw fit. Before he even realized what was happening, Hide found himself on his knees, staring at Shiro's huge cock, as Kuro moved behind and rubbed at his entrance.

 Hide found himself moving forward to lick at Shiro's dick, tasting him. His skin was salty, and smelled faintly of body wash- Hide couldn't help but wonder if they'd cleaned each other in preparation for this moment.

Opening his mouth, Hide sinks down on Shiro's dick, bobbing his head up and down and listening to the white-haired man moan. Behind him, Kuro makes a sound like spitting in his hand, and presses his finger inside Hide. Hide moans around Shiro's member. 

Ah, everything feels so good~.

Suddenly the finger is gone, and Hide hears an unzipping sound. Glancing behind him, he sees Kuro unzipping his pants to reveal  _his_ enormous cock. Hide's dick hardens further at the thought of that going inside him. 

And then Kuro is inside him, moaning at Hide's tightness, and Shiro pushes Hide down further on his cock, until Hide's nose is pressed against his groin hair, swallowing around his dick.

They fall into a steady rhythm for a short time. Shiro pushes Hide's head down on his cock as Kuro pulls out, and Kuro thrusts back in as Shiro lets him up for a breath of air.

"Fuck" moans Shiro. Hide glances up at him, but his attention is diverted elsewhere, behind him- on the way Kuroneki's dick is fucking my tight ass, he realizes, squeezing around Kuro's dick. 

Kuroneki lets out a strangled moan, stilling to feel the tightness milking his member. 

"I wanna fuck him," Shiro half-growls, still hungrily watching his cousin's dick being swallowed by Hide's ass. 

"Well too bad," grunts Kuro, beginning to move again.

A brilliant idea strikes Hide so he pulls off Shironeki's dick. "You guys..." He coughs, getting both their attentions. "You guys should fuck me at the same time." A stunned silence follows his words, soon replaced by a flurry of movement. 

Shiro scoots forward, lifting Hide's hips up and positioning himself. He presses against Hide's entrance, and the blond can't help but let out a low moan at how good it feels when Shiro penetrates him.

"You're so tight," The white-haired man whispers in wonder, as his black-haired cousin moans softly.

They begin to move, slowly at first, but soon are speeding up, pounding into Hide's ass. As once of the dicks thrusts inside him, the other retreats back, only for them to switch places leaving Hide in a constant state of the best stimulation he's ever felt.

Before too long, Hide feels his orgasm build and he comes with a scream, squeezing the two cocks filling him in ecstasy.

At the tightness, Kuro and Shiro both cum, drenching Hide's asshole. They pull out, still weakly throbbing and dripping cum, and collapse in a sweaty heap.

Wrapping his arms around his two lovers, Hide grins. He should make dumb bets on stupid videogames more often.

* * *

 "... Well? What do you think?"

Haise frowns even deeper at the laptop screen, hand coming up to cover his mouth as he tries to decide what to say.

"Well," he begins, before stopping to stare for a few moments longer. "Okay, first of all," he makes a vague gesture towards the laptop, "that is not how gay sex works. At all. Or threesomes, for that matter."

Hideyoshi nodded encouragingly, spinning in his office chair like a little kid.

Haise chose not to comment on that. "Secondly, I thought you told me you were writing a detective story, with lots of intri-"

"Yeah, I got bored of that, and wrote this instead."

Haise sighed. "And lastly, why is there a picture of you and my 'before and after' pictures from when I bleached my hair at the top of the document?"

The writer stopped spinning and smiled mischievously. "Oh, those are so you know what the characters look like. So, you know, if you wanna picture them in your head while you're reading. So, if that's all your questions, shall we get down to the editing?"

 

Haise squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the top of his nose. "We aren't editing this."

"Oh, so you think it's good to go? I mean you said that's not what gay sex is like, and I wouldn't know, so-"

"No, I mean- we can't publish this. It's doesn't matter how successful and popular you are, the publisher isn't going to accept this... Filth."

Hideyoshi pursed his lips and fluttered his eyelashes up at his editor. "Aww, megane-senpai, you really think they'd reject me? After seeing all the success of Fifty Shades of Grey-"

"- Oh god-"

"- and I figured it would be fine if I published under a pen name. It'll be like those trashy romance books you see at the airport, only with hardcore gay porn."

Haise stared at the blond in disbelief. "Oh my god. This is about last week, isn't it?"

"What? No. I told you I wouldn't act any differently towards you-"

"- oh my god, I am never letting Nishiki drag me out for drinks ever again-"

"- even if you call me at two in the morning, sobbing, and confess that you're in love with me-"

"- technically it was Nishiki calling you, because he pressed your name instead of Kimi's-"

"- which wouldn't have been an issue if you'd put my name in your phone as Hide like I told you to-"

" Nagachicka-"

" _Sasaki_ , I think you might want to get used to calling me by my first name, because something tells me this is going to be my new flag ship series. This book alone is going to have at least 40 chapters, not to mention spin-off, sequels, prequels, and trust me when I say by the end of this we are going to know each other  _very_ well. We'll be closer than lovers."

Haise dropped his head in his hands and moaned, "The publishers are going to  _ream my ass for this_."

"That won't be the only thing reaming you by the end of this," Hideyoshi nodded sagely.

 

"You do realize that our company forbids workplace relationships, right?"

"Oh, darn. I guess I, the writer who topped the New York Time's #1 best seller for 3 cumulative years in the past five, winner of dozens of awards and medals, will just have to find  _some_ way to convince them to change it. How does a prequel to my last best seller sound?"

".... I fucking hate you."

"No you don't." Hideyoshi says, leaning in close.

"No I don't." Haise acquiesces, meeting him halfway with a gentle kiss.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never actually kissed a person with a piercing. Is this what it's really like??? MAybe??? WhO KNowS????


	8. Day 1: Birthday (BJ's)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHICH PROCRASTINATING ASSHOLE IS DOIN' HIDEKANE SMUTWEEK 2016??? 
> 
> THIS GUY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I should get started on writing those," I say, one week before it starts.  
> "I _really_ need to get started," I say, three days before it begins.  
>  "FUCK," I say, February 11th.

Hide met his boyfriend at the door, which might not have been all that unusual, but even Kaneki could see the nervous, guilty twist to his face. 

"Ok," The blond began, "so just, hear me out." 

"..."

"I know you didn't want anything for your birthday in December,"

".... Hide..."

"And I  _know_ I got you that, uh, toy, since it was really more of an  _us_ gift-"

"Hide, what did you do-"

"And I  _definitely know_ that I'm banned from the pet store without you there-"

"-  _You didn't-_ "

Soft thumping sounds and the tiniest "Rup!" Kaneki had ever heard confirmed his suspicions as an adorable puppy galloped into view, beelining for the strange world outside the door.

Effortlessly the ghoul caught the pup and cradled it in his arms, lifting a steely gaze to Hide. "We're not keeping it."

"But she's so  _cute_ , Kaneki! Just look at her sweet face and try to say no to her!"

Kaneki stared into the beady little eyes of the squirming pup in his arms. "No."

Hide pouted, and switched tactics. "Well then, how about protection? You said you wanted to beef up security, so how about a guard dog?"

Kaneki leveled him with a disbelieving stare. "It's a c _hihuahua_." 

"Dammit Juanita, you're blowing this," Hide murmured seemingly to himself, as Kaneki lowered the dog to the floor and released it. "I guess I'll just have to use my other methods of persuasion."

 

Kaneki scoffed as he followed the scampering puppy down the hallway to the rest of the apartment and surveyed the damage. A pet bed next to the couch, two tiny food dishes in the corner, a tiny leash thrown over Kaneki's reading chair, and a small mountain of toys littering their rug. _Dear god, he might actually be serious this time..._ "You don't have any other methods of persuasion," He said, almost as if to reassure himself, "So you'd better have kept the receipts for all of this."

Kaneki had just enough time to register the low purr of, "I wouldn't be so sure of that," before he was pressed against the wall. Hide sank to his knees with a smug grin and Kaneki's eyes widened.

"You can't do this here, right in front of the dog!" He said his voice rising in pitch as Hide's hands massaged his hips and toyed with the waistband of his pants.

Hide nuzzled lightly into Kaneki's crotch. "Sure we can, she won't notice a thing,"

"She- It's staring  _right at us_."

"She's a dog, she doesn't understand what's happening."

Kaneki stared at the dog. The dog cocked its head. It yawned, nearly tipping itself over. 

"This is, hands down, the least sexy thing that has ever happened to me." Despite his words, he felt a familiar twitch as Hide pressed an open-mouthed kiss against his clothed dick.

"We'll see about that," Hide said with a hum, hooking Kaneki's pants and underwear and pulling them down in one swift motion.

 Kaneki inhaled sharply as Hide began with slow, teasing licks, just savoring his taste. Once he'd reached the head, he slid back down, this time pressing an open-mouthed kiss directly to Kaneki's length. The brunet just barely choked down a groan as Hide moved his teasing upwards, lapping at the wetness. Too quickly, he felt, his cock was stiffening and all he could think of was how warm Hide's mouth would be if he just  _got on with it_. 

Hide pulled away to mutter something nonsensical- dick blushing? what?- before finally,  _finally_ sinking down on him, swallowing and still managing to twist that sinful tongue around him-

Kaneki came with a noise he would deny until the ends of time, hands bunching in Hide's hair as he tried to hold his boyfriend close.

After a long moment his grip loosened and Hide pulled away, winded but smiling. "'Told ya I had my methods."

 

 Gasping, Kaneki sank to his knees, spent. Slowly, the puppy emerged from its hiding spot behind the couch and approached him to sniff at his hand. Hesitantly, her tail began to wag. Kaneki cleared his throat. "We can't keep her."

Hide's proud smile morphed into surprised disappointment. "But-"

"We can't keep her," Kaneki said hoarsely, "without setting up an appointment at a vet, and we'll have to look into obedience classes-"

"I love you," Hide said, laughing softly and pressing his forehead to Kaneki's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY  
> IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE THIS LATE  
> FUCK


End file.
